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| nostaligia is a bitch...well not really but it's the fact that you think of the past and long to go back to that one moment that makes you smile but it's just not possible. the scary thing is that i hardly remember anything from elementary school, so in 20 years am i going to forget what happened in college? memories are my life line, i love them as long as i can smile. lately i've been thinking about high school and all the dress up days we had or all the sports that i played and i really miss that. but the thing i miss the most is the fact that no matter how bad it got at home or anywhere else i knew i had friends that i could call late at night or see at school and everything would be better. is it my memories that keep me going? yes. when i'm down, i'll think of hitting my head against poles and laughing about it, swooning over colin firth in pride and predjudice, buying dry ice and making water bottle explodes. my high school experience was like staying at the beach; you had your bad days when the rain would fall but when the sun came out, it was beautiful and you knew that it was going to be a good day. how do i get back the days where my best friend and i would dress as tweedle dum and tweedle dee or sitting on the roof tops of bangkok and feeling like we were on top of the world. it's true that i can go back to those places and try experience it again but it won't be the same, i know it. i'll live for the moment and learn from my memories while making new ones. | | |
| ARRRRRRRRRGH! sometimes you need to let it out, sometimes you need to find different means of letting it out. surrounded by people you don't know at your university food court is not exactly the place to let verbal frustration out. well, it could be if you didn't care about what other people think and your composure and your mental health. unfortunately, i am one of those people who's too self concious to do anything outrageous so i'm letting my anger, my frustration, my tears that i can't shed in public out on this sad, pathetic blog. lately i've been bogged down with the feeling that anything i do isn''t good enough. anything i attempt is being attempted in vain. i came to the realization just a few minutes ago that i am graduating early with my bachelors and doing my masters in a year for all the wrong reason. in fact, lately i've been wanting to leave school completely, leave the working world, and venture into what my english class calls hoboism. besides the fact that an english degree is the first step to hoboism, i ask why pay all this money for me to get an education when i just want to roam the world without a care in the world. maybe i'm the type of person who doesn't like to stay in one place to long, maybe i'm unhappy in america and long to be back in thailand...maybe maybe maybe all this that i'm writing is just out of frustration that i can't verbalize. i need a punching bag, an imaginary tissue, and friend, healthy food, and ice cream. all that would make me happy...or would it, what is happy? it's that crazy feeling when you and your best friend can't stop laughing, that satisfying feeling you get after burning a years worth of geography homework, setting ants on fire, anything that makes you escape this world, makes you smile, and sparks your heart for the briefest moment. breathe, breathe, remember to breathe, remember this isn't the end of the world. it might as well be, i don't want to go on any further...ah but that's where i'm wrong. i do want to go further, i want to excell, i just don't want to do the work i have to do to get there. i don't want the heartbreak that i have to go through so i can get there. i don't want the friends made and friends lost so i can get there, i just want my friends, best friend, boyfriend, girlfriends...you know what would be great? going crazy, crazy like i am on this blog, letting loose, however it's not making me feel better, it's somewhat pulling me out of my reality but it's not. i'm stuck in limbo, i want to be a kid and i want to be a grown up, i want everything and nothing at all. i want to talk but i really just want to sit there and listen to the awkward scilence. i want to be me but who is me, have i lost my individualism? have i lost the meaning of who i am? it's not enough to know that i'm unique, to know that the bump that i have on my left ear sets me apart from anyone else. i've stopped, i've run out of things to say, i'm lost, innocent and at the same time not and it's time to get back into the real world, time to face my fears, my dislikes, my everythings that i don't like about this world. no one can have a perfect world, not you, not i, not anyone. forget about money, forget about entertainment. i'm going to go eat.
p.s. to those who think i sound depressed, don't worry i'm not i'm just frustrated. | | |
| Here's the thing right...I was thinking about my college experience so far and how it's supposed to provide me with higher education and all that stuff that they say is good for me. But here's the thing, I don't think I've really learned anything new since I've gotten to college but at the same time I've been learning something new everday. I think it's more the college experience that has been expanding my mind but in the classroom I tend to doze off and not really pay attention. I wonder when I get my degree if I am going to actually have new knowlege in my head or just fianlly understand all the old stuff that I've been told for a very long time now. | | |
| i have a problem. my most creative moments are right as i'm going to sleep but i'm too lazy to get up and write my ideas down. by the time morning comes around, i've forgotten all about it. what do i do? | | |
| i'm sick of my life.nothing exciting ever goes on and it's my fault cuz i'm a loser.take my advice if you're in college, it's not all about school. | | |
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